YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
