yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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