i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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