Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
