didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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