i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
