i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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