where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
