We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
