so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My liver just had a heart attack.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
