Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
