so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
