so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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