True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I intend to get homeless drunk
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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