it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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