never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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