my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
