How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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