Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
