you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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