White coat. Heels.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
