So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
