Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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