we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
