Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
