I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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