just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
