Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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