Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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