Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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