Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
