Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
