My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
no you cant smoke seaweed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just pee around me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
