Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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