Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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