Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
