My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
