my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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