well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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