you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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