you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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