I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Panties = found
Randomize
