Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
