She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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