It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i drank out of a bidet.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
