Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
