So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think i have two assholes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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