I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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