Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
