i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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