just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OPIZZABONMYDICK
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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