I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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