I'm so fucking centered right now
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
